Have you ever woken up and thought to yourself, "Today, today I want to be Tom Hanks in NYC!"? Well, today is your lucky day. No, you aren't going to turn into Tom Hanks and be transported to NYC. Please. That's ridiculous. But in honour of spending the next few weeks working in NYC and based off of a conversation I had yesterday with my brother, I have put together this handy-dandy guide of how one could be Tom Hanks in NYC. Figuratively, not literally.
I was really obsessed with Splash when I was little. Because I wanted to be a mermaid, okay? (Why else.) There's nothing more romantic than touring the Statue of Liberty with a naked woman. Going anywhere with a naked woman, really. Even to the electronics store. (She'll get a kick out of the TVs--trust me.) Don't forget to make a stop along Madison Ave so you can try to tell her that "Madison" isn't a name.
Things you need: a naked lady (doesn't necessarily have to be a mermaid), Madison Ave sign, bathtub, salt water
You've Got Mail (1998)
Remember the AOL sound? I can still sing it perfectly; it will haunt me forever. But Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan didn't seem to mind. They also didn't realize that they were email buddies because in real life they hated each other. Oh, romantic comedy plot lines! The Upper West Side is the perfect place to cultivate your new romance. You can grab a hot dog at Gray's Papaya, talk a walk in Riverside Park, and have a romantic dinner at Cafe Lalo.
Things you need: a large chain book store and a struggling independent book store, dial-up internet, Greg Kinnear, to accidentally get in the cash only line at Zabars ("No cash? She has no cash!")
Maybe you're tired of dates and naked mermaids and want to get in touch with your inner child. That's easy! Just have the creeptastic Zoltar grant your wish and turn you into a grown up. I guess that only works if you start off as a twelve-year-old. Unless first you wish to be twelve again (with a twelve-year-old's brain) and THEN wish to have your twelve-year-old self transported into a grown-up body. After that you can get yourself a sweet-ass loft apartment in NYC and fill it with ridiculous toys and a smokin' hot lady.
Things you need: being too short for the carnival rides, the giant FAO Schwarz piano, a rousing game of paddleball with a doucher that ends in a fist fight, change for the Zoltar machine
Sleepless in Seattle (1993)
Yeah, so I've never seen this movie. I mean, once you've seen one Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan movie, you've seen them all, right? Right? Sure. But I feel I don't really need to have seen it to know what it's all about. Tom Hanks is lonely in Seattle and Meg Ryan is lonely, uh, somewhere else and since this is a time of handwritten letters and not AOL, a lovely letter is sent. And more stuff happens. Probably. Just get on top of the Empire State Building already, ya goofball.
Things you need: a backpack, a small child to forget said backpack, ticket to the Empire State Building obvseration deck, a copy of An Affair to Remember
The Terminal (2004)
So technically this wasn't actually filmed at JFK airport, but who cares! And since none of us can afford for Steven Spielberg to build us an elaborate working airport set, the actual airport will have to do. If I could recommend a terminal, the JetBlue one is very nice. There is an awesome food court and comfy chairs everywhere. I feel like you don't even have to be a foreign person who gets denied entry to the US to accomplish this: just buy a ticket, never get on the plane, and live out the rest of your days in airport luxury. And if people ask, just tell them your flight is delayed. (FOREVER! Hahahahaha. Ha.)
Things you need: an airport terminal, a Karkozhian flag, Planters peanuts tin, an immigration worker friend who happens to be a big Star Trek fan
written by Pickle